Leaving on a jet plane....

well, not really a jet plane, lol. Jason and I are going on a road trip to South Dakota! And are leaving early tomorrow morning. I am looking forward to it. It should be lots of fun. I plan to take tons of pictures! Don't miss me too much. ;)

5 days and counting

We are leaving for South Dakota about 5 a.m. on Sunday, September 17. This trip has come up so fast! And I've been stressing about it, but I think that stress is finally gone. The main thing that I have been stressing about is clothing. Yes, I realize that is such a small thing in the scheme of things, but I had no casual clothes that fit me after the weight loss. I've only been buying worth clothes. This weekend Jason and I went up north to visit the family and also took the girlies to the Mall and Wal-Mart. Believe it or not I got jeans and capris at Wal-Mart and they fit me good!! The Juniors size 19 jeans are perfect for me. The shirts there didn't fit good, but on the way home we stopped at Target in the cities and they had a ton of shirts that fit me perfect. Hooray! So now I have clothes for the trip.

Last night I started to pack some of the food, and get everything organized. A little bit each night and it will be good. My goal is to have the car completely packed except for food on Saturday so we can head out early, early on Sunday.

Jason and I had a lot of fun this weekend with the girlies. We took them shopping and out to eat and it was just a good time. Lots of fun. :) Lots of giggles and laughter. Love it.

Oh and the ipod works great in the car. We bought one of those FM adapter thingys, and it was great not having to deal with changing CD's every couple of songs. I *love* it. <3 <3 <3 My new favorite toy, LOL.

I was hoping to scrapbook this week, but I don't think I'm going to get to. :( Before we go, I do want to clean up my area so I can come home to a nice clean desk to scrap on.

Vacation!

Jason and I are getting ready to go on vacation on September 17. We are so excited! We are going on a road trip to South Dakota. It is going to be so much fun! Out of all the things that I should be doing for the trip, I'm working on uploading music to itunes to put on the ipod, LOL. Yes, I realize that there are a zillion other things I should be doing, but I'm currently worried about music, LOL. Yes, I realize that I'm crazy. :P But I will admit that I have 4 different lists started. In case you didn't know I'm a list maker. One list is Food to pack and bring, another list is for food and other items to buy before we go, the third list is other items to pack, and the fourth list is a list of things to do before we go.

Yup, I love my lists. I feel so much more organized and prepared when I have my lists. I love them. Maybe I am more organized than I thought I was.

This weekend was a fun weekend, I scrapbooked 2 LO's and started planning out our Christmas card. Now I just need to get a couple more supplies to make up a sample one and see if it's what I want. LOL. Jason and I went to Hobby Lobby today and picked up some stuff, now just to order the rest of what I need. I hope that it is what I want. I should start going through our Christmas Card list, to get a feel for how many Christmas cards to make...I think I need to make about 100 of them...not positive though.

Sketch Challenge

Here is my LO that I did from a Sketch posted by Chele on Scrappy Chic. :) Chele, THANK YOU so much for putting this up on SC. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be scrapping again yet. THANK YOU!!! Your such a great friend. :)






It was based on this sketch:

Break Down

Tonight I had a break down. I don't know if I would call it a breakdown, but that is what I'm calling it. Tonight after work, I went and got my brows waxed and I paid, walked out the door with Jason, and felt tears start to well up. Jason asked where I wanted to eat, and I shrugged and said I don't care. Then I said, let's just go home, because otherwise I'm going to start crying. Then I lost it. The tears started to flow.

What bothers me is that I started to cry for no reason. I still can't figure out why I was crying. I have never done that before. In the past, little things have set me off, but never like this. This was full out crying, sobbing, runny nose and everything crying. I have always been able to hold back my emotions pretty good, not letting anyone know what I truly feel. Wearing a mask so to speak. When someone asks how I am, it's always good, or okay, even if I'm not feeling that way. I have a hard time letting others in, and letting them know how I truly feel. Anyway, back to what happened.

We got home, and I sat down at my computer, attempted to read at a site, and the tears started. Jason came over and gave me a hug. I finished looking through the tears, typed "taking a break" post on the board, and then logged off, went and sat on the couch to try to compose myself. Jason sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I told him not to, because I will cry harder/longer. He moved his arm away, and I started to cry even more. He took me in his arms, and I sobbed. I couldn't help it. Finally I got my tears to pretty much stop and composed myself.

It really bothers me that I don't know *why* I was crying in the first place and that I couldn't make the tears stop even though I wanted to. I don't like that. At all.

Rambles

I figured I should probably update my blog since it's been a while. :) I'm thinking I'm going to do this in list format. I love my lists!!

• I am now down 49.5 pounds. SO close to 50 pounds lost and boy am I feeling good about it!
• Jason and I got new cell phones, work had a great deal on a plan so we signed up. Who knew that I would ever have a camera phone, LOL. I must admit it is fun to play around with it. Now I just need to make it pretty pink! :D
• I am enjoying going clothes shopping these days. It's lots of fun to buy stuff in smaller sizes.
• Jason is being even more romantic now, I love it! The other day he sent me a list of 10 things that he loves about me. Made me cry. He is so sweet!
• My newest eye candy fascination is Joe Mauer, who plays baseball for the Twins. What a cutie! Jason just laughs at me, LOL.
• I went out and bought the Crop-A-Dial yesterday at M's. Haven't used it yet though, LOL.
• I still have not scrapbooked. I *really* need to sit down and make a page. Even though I'm not scrapbooking it doesn't stop me from lurking on 2peas, LOL.
• Speaking of 2peas, there is this *AMAZING* LO that I *LOVE* Very inspiring. http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/pg.asp?cmd=display&layout_id=956888 I'm seriously thinking about doing a page like that....I don't know though, maybe it will be odd? What do you think of that LO?
• Then, here is another LO, a gal actually stamped her boobs, LOL. WOW, I *never* would have thought to do that. Here is that LO: http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/pg.asp?cmd=display&layout_id=963445

Weighloss Pics for Laurie

Now, how horrible is this! I haven't taken pics of my weightloss. This is the best I can do for you Laurie. :) And these are all crappy pics, but hey, at least you get the drift, LOL. I went back and looked and I started tracking my food on April 5, 2006. A couple days later is what I really started Spark People!

This pic is me, on May 3, 2006.

































And now this is me, as of about 10 minutes ago, on August 8, 2006.

Weekend

It's Sunday night already, boy where does the weekend go!! Jason and I went up north to visit Ma, Dad, and the girlies. It seems like whenever we go up north, the time goes by way to fast! The girlies and I played the board game Life, and actually even finished the game! It was so much fun. And of course, we laughed until we cried, about stupid stuff that I have done lately.

I'm sitting here, half watching VH1's, "I Love the 90's" and OMG, I'm sitting just laughing, just some moments, like OMG, I actually liked that song, ROFL. Oh my, feel like I'm reliving my high school days, what great times.

On a sad note, I got a note today from the LSS that I'm on the design team for and they are CLOSING! I couldn't believe it. The store was doing great and they were going to move into a larger store and everything, but the owner decided that she needs to spend more time with her family. Which is completely understandable, but that means that I simply won't have a LSS here in Roch. I will miss being on the design team, and all of the great people from the store. It is so sad, it was the perfect little store. :(

Great Night

I really enjoyed myself last night. Jason picked me up after my dr's appointment, and we went out to eat at the Macaroni Grill. The Macaroni Grill opened up last year sometime, and we never went there before, so we decided to try it out. It was ok, but we like Olive Garden much better. But it was a great change of pace, and we tried something new. :)

After that we went home, and Jason there was a beautiful bouquet of daisies on the table in our wedding colors. Then we went up stairs, and I got a lovely massage, and then a relaxing bath. And then we went out for ice cream. It was a great evening, just enjoying each other. Truly enjoyed myself. Thanks love, for the perfect evening. :)

3 Years ago today

It was our wedding day!

Wow, where has time gone! It seems like it was yesterday that I was sitting down and planning the wedding. Enjoying looking through all of the wedding magazines and having fun planning it. I want to plan another wedding, LOL. I truly enjoyed it. :)

Of course the day didnt' go off without a hitch, the best man didn't show up for the rehearsal until it was over, and the place where we had our rehearasal dinner had us down for the next night. And then on our wedding day it rained during the ceremony and then cleared up after that. But I wouldn't change our wedding at the cabin, down by the lake for anything. And at the end of the day all that mattered was that we were married. :)

And I'm looking forward to tonight so much. Jason is planning a surprise for me. I have no clue what it is, but I can't wait for it! It's going to be a great night, I just know it. :)

Jason, I love you so much, and am looking forward to many more happy years with you.

New Bras

Who knew that new bras would be so exciting, LOL. On Saturday is was so freaking hot, Jason and I went and wandered around the wall for a while. Before going there Jason mentioned that I should get some new bras and get coordinating panties to go with them. I guess he has wanted that for a while, so while we were at Penny's I figured I would look and try a couple on. I found one that I *love*. And Ma, you will be happy to know that since I'm losing weight, my boobs are shrinking, LOL. I'm now down to a 40C. Much better than the 44D I was buying before and putting a bra extender on it to get it to fit. And if I can say so myself, my boobs look amazing, LOL. And of course it's a *comfortable* bra at that! There is *nothing* better than a good fitting bra, along with matching panties. Makes me feel all sexy. :) So $66 later, I walk out with 3 new matching bras with matching panties.

Oh, and did you know that Penny's has a thing where if you buy 6 bras you get the 7th free and also if you buy 12 panties you get the 13th free? I thought that was so cool! Guess where I am buying my undergarments now, LOL.

Better

I am feeling much better today, actually yesterday evening I felt better. :) Now I hope I am done with this for a while.

Today I am working 7:30-4:30. I *love* this shift! I wish I could work this shift all the time. That extra half hour really makes a difference in the evenings, especially on Friday's since Jason works at 6 p.m. on Fridays.

We are making progress on my new scrapbooking room. We need to go and get mud, tape, and paint now. I do have to still bleach the lower parts of the walls. Home Depot had a customer appreciation coupon for 10% off your purchase, so we are going to use that to pick stuff up. Every little bit saved helps. I can't wait for the room to be done and move my stuff in it and have an actual living room again! That in itself is exciting to me! Jason and I are also going to attempt to lay hardwood floors in the room as well, that should be interesting, LOL. We want the entire house to be hardwood floors, so I'm hoping that my scrapping room goes good, so we can continue to do the rest of the house!

Template and other ramblings

I figured I would change my template since I didn't feel that it was "me" anymore. I know, I know, in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal, but for me, it was. Back when I first started blogging, it was mainly to share some scrapbook thoughts, whatever. To be honest, I haven't scrapbooking for a few months now. How horrible is that? I simply haven't felt like scrapping. I don't know why I chose this template, but for some reason, I think it fits me. I love the colors and style of it. I do wish there were a couple things I could change, if I could figure out how. But overall, I think it is perfect for me, and how I've been feeling lately. Who knows, maybe I will change it again in a few days.

The weight loss is still going well, I am now down 41.5 pounds. I never thought I would be able to lose that much. It is amazing. For the past couple of weeks, I haven't felt like tracking my foods, and have felt on the verge of falling off of the healthy bandwagon I've been on. I feel like I am starting to lose my grip even more so. I don't know why I suddenly feel this way.

I met an amazing friend online a while back. She is a couple years older than me, but I swear we could be twins! We use so many of the same phrases, are just so similar, it's hard to believe that we aren't long lost sisters or something, LOL. We talked the other night on the phone for the first time and hit it off on there as well. Talking to her on the phone made me realize how much I miss having a friend nearby to hang out with and gab and gossip with. It's too bad that she lives in Colorado, well maybe that is a good thing, because I think our hubby's would get tired of us being together all the time, LOL. Although I do think our hubby's would hit off as well, since they are both into video games, LOL.

Last night I went to bed very shortly after I wrote that post, I was hoping that sleep would help me out, but it didn't. I think that what I truly need is a good cry. You know how sometimes, a good cry will help? That's what I think will help, but then I'm not able to cry. It's like you know you need to, but can't. I hate that feeling. I still am down and in a funk. I feel like I'm in a fog and can't get out. I hate feeling like this, I wish it would just go away. I know it's not that simple, but I can wish, can't I?

One of those days

Do you ever have one of those days where everything is going ok, not great, but better than the day before which was hellacious. Which is a good thing, or should be a good thing. Then suddenly, one little thing happens, and it's like *snap* and now your not ok at all. That's the kind of day I had today. And it was one little thing, nothing major, everything should still be fine, but in your mind it's not? I hate days like that. I'm just so frustrated.

Camping

We went camping over the weekend. Down to Money Creek Haven in Houston, MN. It was very relaxing and enjoying. And believe it or not I did not take a single picture. Imagine that. Me a scrapbooker, did not take a single picture, lol. I guess that shows that I truly relaxed and enjoyed myself.

Since Jason had to work on Friday night, we didn't get down there until Saturday morning. We got our tent set up. We bought a new tent this year for camping. It was on clearance for $59. It's a three room tent, sleeps 8, and is big enough so you can stand up straight inside the tent. And yes, I realize that there are only two of us, but it was nice having a tent large enough to put everything in when it rained. Oh, it did rain on Saturday afternoon for a couple hours. Saturday was perfect, in the upper 70's, overcast, not too hot, not too cold. Perfect.

Jason and I did go swimming in the "pool." I don't know what to call it other than a pool, but it's not really a pool, lol. It's basically a man made lake, made for swimming. It's connected to a pond and creek, but has a sandy bottom, and they put chemicles and stuff in it. It's hard to describe, LOL. But we really had fun. And the best news is that I barely got sunburned!!! I got a titch pink, but not bad at all.

Jason and I came to the conculsion that we both want to go camping more. We will see if that truly happens now, LOL. I'm hoping it will. :)

I thought I should post pictures of my purse after Laurie's comment, LOL. And since I posted that list, the checkbook has been added to my purse and the check has been cashed, LOL. Otherwise everything is the same.
This first pic, is my purse closed. (Like my loverly pink chair from IKEA? *Never* thought I would have a pink chair, LOL.)

This next pic, is of my purse with my book in it. Since I don't bring another bag to work, I carry my book around in my purse, LOL. Also comes in handy while I wait in the car while Jason goes to the post office, lol.

This nex picture of my purse without the book in it:

And I realized, not everyone would know what a Mini Leatherman is. So here it is, next to the case all folded up:

And here it is with all of the attachments open. Must be a country girl thing to carry one of these around, LOL.

I will admit, that it has come in handy at work. You would think that our equipment specialists would have tools to work with, when things come up. I can't tell you how many times they have borrowed my Mini Leatherman, LOL. You should have seen their faces when they asked me if I knew where any pliers where, and I said, I know something that might work in my purse. Between their faces and the other secretarys, I about fell off my chair laughing, ROFL.

Now seriously, since I have these pics, I think I need to do a Scrapbook Page about the contents of my purse. I think that would be fun. Very *me* right now as well.

Contents of my purse

On Scrappy Chic I posted a challenege to post the contents of your purse. Here's whats in mine:

Keycard for work
Mary Kay Neutral Lip Liner
Mary Kay Cranberry Lipgloss
Ticket stub from Click
Gum
First Harry Potter Book
Check for Tupperware that I need to cash (doing a clearance type sale at work with another gal that used to sell Tupperware)
Coupon & Card from Divine Memories (Scrapbook store)
Grand Casino Buffet hours & prices
Winter Candy Apple Lotion from Bath & Body Works
Mary Kay Beauty Blotters
Smidget contaier with Ibprofen
Calculator
Full size pair of scissors
Post It Flags (in pink of course, LOL)
Mini Pink Tape Measure
Mini Leatherman Tool
Tide to Go Pen
Nail Clippers
Nail File
Mary Kay Mocha Freeze Lipstick (So *that* is where that went!!)
Keys, home, car, and office
4 pens
1 pencil
2 calling cards
Receipt from Old Navy
Bus Pass
Wallet with discount cards, and credit/debit cards.
$1.10 in change

Lost Clothes

Every now and then, I take off an article of clothing and misplace it. I've been trying to be better at hanging my clothes up and putting them away, but that doesn't always happen. (I'm sure Ma remembers what my room looked like when I still lived at home, LOL.) If I don't hang up my work pants or tops right away, they get set on the back of the couch. The thing I am good at though, is all of the dirties go right into the hamper to be washed. At least 9 times out of 10, LOL.

Now, back to losing clothes. About 3 weeks ago we went up to IKEA and I work a black v-neck shirt. That was the first time I wore that shirt. Now I can't find it. Two weeks ago I wore my new black slip to work, and now I can't find it. Last week, I wore a white tanktop under a shirt to work and can't find that now. I have no freaking clue where these three articles of clothing are. I have tore my clothes a part, looked up stairs, in the hamper, in the washer and dryer and simply can't find them. Also looked behind, in, and under the couches, went through all of the boxes of clothes that I'm getting rid of again, to see if they got put in there. I can't find them!!!

So tell me, if you were a shirt, slip, or tank top where would you be hiding?

4th of July

I hope that everyone had a great Fourth of July!! Jason and I went out to his parents for a while. It was fun for the most part. :) Each year they have a cookout/party and invite the entire family over. This year there wasn't many people at all there. Mainly us kids and the grandkids, and then some of Jason's Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins.

As some of you may know, Jason and I are still having a hard time trying to have a baby. (And yes, this relates to the Fourth, in some way, your just getting the Nelson version of the story, LOL. :P) Jason and I have been trying for quite a while to have a baby, but I thought that things might turn around since I've been losing weight. (35 pounds now, WHOO HOO!) I thought that might be enough to give my body the jumpstart that it needs. I don't even want to think about how long we have been trying.

Anyway, so Kara (Joe's girlfriend/fiance (Joe is Jason's youngest brother)) once again comes up and starts being nosy. (Sidenote here: Joe & Kara have 4 kids together and Kara has another one, but Joe is not the father to that one, and he lives with Kara's parents. And they are not yet married, we just found out that they were engaged again. It's been an on again and off again thing since I've been in the picture.) Asking so are you and Jason trying? When do you think you will have kids? And a zillion other questions. I laugh and say, "Eventurally." But she kept pushing and asking more questions.

I *hate* being put on the spot like that. It's none of her freaking business what we are doing. If Jason and I were able to have kids, we would have already had one by now!! It made me so mad and sad. I just wanted to cry. And Jason and I shared that we were having trouble getting pregnant before, so it's not like she didn't know. It hurts me so much. There is nothing more than I want to do than give Jason the baby that he wants. I almost feel like a faliure that I'm not able to do that.

Since the 4th I've been sad again. I hate feeling that way. I can't seem to shake it, this time either. Usually I can just push it to the side and move on, but I'm having a hard time, this time. I've been going to bed early, and can't seem to get movitated to do anything. I feel like I'm on the verge of falling off my diet and everything. I told Jason that and he said, no your aren't. You can do this. That helped. Knowing that he is there supporting me.

Before I make this post even more depressing, I'm going to go.

Secrets

This was Amy's challenge from SC. I really debated about posting these, and may end up taking them down again. But with everyone else sharing theirs, I thought I would post some of mine. There are some that I will never share here. But all of you that have bosted I admire you. You gave me the courage to post some of mine.

• I attempted suicide my senior year in highschool. I think the only reason why I got out of the mental health clinic was because I knew what they wanted to hear. I wasn't honest with the psychologist I seen after that either.
• It tore me up when I was admitted to the ER after taking dad's pills, and they accusing me of taking illegal drugs. I have *never* took drugs in my life. I wonder if mom and dad believed me that I never took drugs.
• I fantasize about other people.
• I'm very good at pretending I'm happy and all is well when it's not.
• I wonder if I have any half brothers and sisters. Then I remember what my bio-dad did to mom and want nothing to do with him.
• I have more friends online than in real life and I'm ok with that.
• I'm embarrassed about the house I live in.
• Sometimes I wonder why in the world Jason married me. He could have done so much better than me.
• I hate crowds and family gatherings. It's fine if there are very few people there, but I feel out of place and uncomfortable at other events.
• I still can't remember the names of some of Jason's relatives.