Red Lipstick

I put on red lipstick yesterday simply because I was feeling down and depressed.   I've always known that I feel more confident and sexy in red lipstick and that it lifts my spirits.  Why I don't wear it daily I don't know.  I have a couple shades that I really enjoy wearing, but I feel it is too much to wear out and about though.  I guess you could say that I'm a closet red lipstick wearer.  I need to get my confidence up to wear it out and about.  I want to be able to wear it daily and not feel silly doing it.   That is my goal.

Do any of my readers find that wearing something specific makes them feel like I described in the photo?  If so what?   I'd love it if you blogged about it and shared the link here, or of course if you don't have a blog, you can leave it in the comments. :)

Next Steps

I have not broadcast this widely, but I have shared this with a few family members, but that is it.   If you are finding out about it on my blog, are hurt by it, I apologize.  


Jason and I are separating for good.   This was not Jason's idea at all, it was mine.   This is the final separation and it will lead to divorce.   Please do not say I'm sorry to me or give me sympathy.    Yes, it is hard, but this is what I desire.  


Most people would say that going for what you desire is selfish.   I agree, it can be selfish.  It's not selfish if you listen to what Christ tells you and follow his guidance.  Not yours, but his.   


Yesterday, Friday, I found out that I need to make a decision about keeping the apartment past the end of August.  They wanted a decision right then and there.   I told them that I needed a week to make my final decision.  


I desire to leave Rochester.   I know deep down, 100% that I do not belong here.   But the question is when do I leave.  Bottom line is that I do not desire to be here.  Do I keep the apartment longer than August?    If I could leave right now, I would.  My money situation does not allow that.   I have to work at Mayo for at least a little longer, that could be one or two paychecks longer or it could be until the end of August longer.   At this point I am not sure.  


One option is to move up north.   The main pro would be being closer to family.  The con is that it does not feel right to me to move up north permanently.  It may be a temporary stopping spot, but not permanent.  Most people would say suck it up buttercup and do it anyway.  But I am not most people.  I am going for what my heart desires.


My desire is to just go somewhere completely new, out of state and start over.   For those of you who may come back and ask if that is a good idea in my “condition” or with my depression, etc.   I am the one who seen myself getting so bad, so down.  I am the one who sought help.  I am the one who checked myself into Generose.  Yes, I had support once I said that I was going downhill, but it was ultimately all me.   I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was.  I don’t see how being around family, etc. will help me.   I was not around my family down here in Rochester.  


I don't desire to work in a 8-5 job anymore.   I desire to do something creative in my life.  I feel that I am part of something bigger.  That I have more to do in my life than be an Administrative Assistance.  I don't know exactly what that is yet, it may be helping with the Grace community, it may be doing something creative, scrapbooking, crafting, photography, etc.   


Normally I would be scared shitless without a plan or a list.  I am at peace right now with my desire to leave Rochester, to scale back what I own, and put what I want to keep in storage.  


I realize that this seems very out of character for me, but I have kept many of my dreams and desires close to my heart because I never thought they were possible.   I feel led to start perusing them.   Despite the unknown.  I may succeed, I may fail.   But at least I tried.   But now I will not be held back.   


I found this on Pinterest....thought it summed up my thoughts really well.

Where I am at today.

I've had a blog post brewing in me about the song "Strong One" by Clint Black.

But tonight that's not what I'm going to blog about tonight. That one might hurt peoples feelings and I don't think I want to do that. I don't have it in me to fight tonight and tonight I'm not feeling like a "strong one."

Lately I've been struggling with headaches and migraines again. It sucks. I usually wake up with them. I've been trying not to complain and post, especially on Facebook, but really, who needs negative stuff on Facebook. Lately this has been my attitude about all the negative stuff I've been seeing on Facebook.

I've been removing people because of their negativity, and because right now, I don't need that in my life. I'm sorry, but right now that's one thing I can cut out and I will.

Anyway, back to the migraines. Last week I called in 4 days because of migraines/really bad headaches. It killed me to call in, I love my job, I really do. I don't know what else to do though when I get them. My meds kill me. Oh and the irony of missing work last week? I also missed my headache clinic appointment due to a migraine. Heh. Isn't that the irony of all ironies?

I love going to work and being there and doing my job. It's fun, I have a variety of tasks, I feel appreciated for all I do. Someday's are frustrating, but that is with any job. I don't feel as if I have too much on my plate. My plate is full so to speak, but not overfull.

Also, I've really been struggling with my depression. I've been sinking back down again, and it's been really to pull myself back up. I'm doing what I can, and I really need to pull back out some of my IOP resources. They are all in a bag and very accessible. I've been doing things that I enjoy, playing with sidewalk chalk, blowing bubbles, getting outside, reading, and doing a bit of shopping. I'm doing my best not to isolate myself and keeping my positive/healthy habits going. It's hard as hell, and I'm keeping my head above water, but it's hard.

Because of my depression coming back, my Effexor was increased from 150 mg to 225 mg. After that was upped, I got 2 awful migraines. (Noting that for my own records.)

There are a couple things that are concerning to me. First, when I'm down, I want to go out and shop and spend money in hopes that it will make me happy. I've done some shopping, and now nothing was put on credit cards and nothing was overdrawn, etc. But that money should have gone towards our debt. Is this why they thought about diagnosing me with bipolar?

The second thing that has been me on the brink of tears since about 3 p.m. today is that my supervisor talked to me and said that I am doing an amazing job, when I'm here, but with all my absences, they would like to bring in a Kelly Temp person at least through orientation (the month of June) to be a back up for me if I'm off unexpectedly and to help with checkouts if at all possible. She did get approval from Administration for this. It makes sense, but it hurts. I've been very open with my supervisor and my coworker Trish about my depression and my supervisor said that when I called in I sounded so sad that it hurt her to hear my messages. (She lost her daughter to suicide, so she knows depression all too well.) And that if there is anything they can do for me in the meantime at work to please let me know. They want me to get the migraines and depression figured out so I can be back to work full time, as they really enjoy me, and my "skills are impeccable" but I just need to be there more.

All of that brings me to this:

I've come up with a few different options. One that I think I really need is to go spend time alone somewhere. For a week or two. To figure things out. But would that be a mistake? Would it not be? I don't have the paid time off to do. I don't have the money to go anywhere. But I truly thing that is what I need. To remove myself from my current situation, and go somewhere alone. Just me. I feel as if I truly need this. It would be healthy for me. But would it be a mistake? I don't know. Do I have the courage to do this? Can I do this? Can I make this happen?

Major Decision

First, I have to say that I saved this from the PostSecret website back in 2009 sometime. The thing about PostSecret secrets is that there really isn't an archive of them. I tend to save the ones that mean something to me. I was just looking around on my computer for a file I created quite a while ago and stumbled across this.

This fits me well. Though not necessarily the word "compromised." I have thought about others during every major decision in my life. I have put myself last while making them. Now how is that fair to me? It's not. From now on. I'm doing the unthinkable to me. I'm putting myself first. I'm worth it.

If anyone out there reading my blog is like me, and putting everyone else first in their life and yourself last, I'm going to be blunt here, that is part of what landed me in the psych ward. Now I'm not saying go out and be selfish in every decision you make. But remember to take time for you. Think about yourself some more. Make time for yourself and the stuff you want to do. If there is a major decision in your life, don't put other's opinions first. Put yourself first. You are worth it.

Home

In my last post I kinda explained what let up to the psych ward experience, but didn't really get a chance to explain much of it.

First, I met a couple of good cohorts there, Angie and Kurt Angie actually lives close to Rochester but Kurt lives in Michigan. It was great to meet them though. We all have been in contact with one another already. I think it helps being able to get support from people who have been there, especially the same time that you were. Don't get me wrong, I will still utilize my support system here at home. But man, we had a blast talking, laughing, and Angie and I both cried at different points during our stay. It was great being there for each other. I have a feeling that we will be life long friends.

The classes were hit and miss. Some of them I got a lot out of, other ones I walked out of more confused than I walked in. I can usually comprehend and information pretty well, but a couple of the classes I didn't That was very frustrating for me. I think that I got a lot out of the Cogitative Behavioral Therapy classes. I kinda want to do a brief post explaining what I learned because it made sense to me. I also learned a ton in Occupational Therapy. That was one of my favorites. Though my all time favorite classes was Recreation Therapy. Does that surprise anyone? I started a wood burning project! I have never done wood burning before, but it has always interested me. I didn't get finish the project, but I ordered a wood burning gun from Joann's online since they don't carry them in store. I actually got it for a really good deal too! I can't wait for it to get it. It's just amazing to me what all you can create with wood burning and the oil pencils. I'm getting 8 of those with my set, but I think I'm going to want more. I picked up a new hobby in there Yay!

I also wrote down quite a few quotes that I enjoyed throughout my time there. I think I'm going to have to post those on there as I think a few of you enjoy questions as well. I also got a bunch of movie recommendations as well as a bunch of book recommendations. Maybe that would be a good place to go on Friday.

I start my Intensive Outpatient Program on Monday. I go there 3 days a week from 8 a.m. to noon for 3 weeks. I also have appointments in the next 3 weeks as well. It's nice having them all set up in advanced though. That makes me feel relieved, which is a very good thing.

Yesterday, I was very emotional though. I think it's because I tried to over do it and do a "normal" day from before. Despite my Occupational therapist telling me not to over do it but don't under do it either. Today I'm doing much better. I've been productive, I worked on my knifty knitter, and I blogged so far! I'm planning on doing something on the treadmill too. My goal right now, is to just do 10 minutes 3 times a week. I know it's not much, but just to ease myself back into it, and besides doing that is better than nothing. If I want to do more, then that's fine, if not, that's fine too.

Does anyone have any questions about when I was in the Psych Ward? I'm more than willing to answer them to the best of my ability.

I am in a psych ward.

For those that know me well, know that I have struggled with depression since my teen years. I attempted suicide in 2001 and landed myself in a psych ward for 5 days. I told them everything they wanted to hear to get me out. I did not want to be there at all. When I got out, I went to see a counselor is our local town, I don't even remember what his name was, but he told me that I had, "Severe Chronic Depression and that there was nothing he could do to help me and that I had to learn how to say no." After that I kind of swore off therapists.



My depression has been coming back full force lately. I seen my primary care doctor about a year and a half ago and got put on Celexa for my depression. Then I went back a few months ago since I felt the Celexa wasn't working well and they suggested that I up the dosage. Looking back now, that is when I started to get migraines on a more regular basis. Not a good thing at all. Not feeling good and missing so much work worsened my depression. I started feeling so hopeless and if I didn't get help, then I would be back where I was in 2001 and I know I didn't want to be there.



My first step was telling Jason. That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be as he has always been so supportive of me.



The next morning I called my Diamond Nurse (depression nurse) and said that I needed help. And felt that I needed more help than just a med adjustment. She talked to my primary care doc and called me back almost immediately. They both suggested that I go to the ER to see if I could get admitted to an inpatient program. They could call ahead and let the ER know that I was coming, but that was all they could do to make sure that the transition went easy. I showered (for the first time in 4 or 5 days) and packed some clothes, books, and toiletries and off to the ER we went.

Jason and I first went back to a little room that felt like it was closing in on me the longer I was in it, I didn't think that I had anxiety or claustrophobia...but I didn't know how long I could manage in it. Thankfully I was soon wheeled up to the Generose in the Mood Disorders Unit.

It was a really different experience than when I was up in Miller Dwan back in 2001. That felt almost like a jail. It was awful. This one there wasn't the loud clank of a door when you were admitted. It was a really warm and inviting environment, surprisingly. The first day and a half was hard. I sat by myself, and then started to socialize more. I'm going to miss some of the people that I have met here.

I've gotten some good information out of the classes, but not all of them. Some of them are a joke. But for the classes that I didn't get much out, that's ok.

Someday's I get really overwhelmed by all of the paperwork/forms that I have to fill out and all of the reading I have to do. It's nice that I know I can just set it aside and return to it in a little while. I know that I a lot that I have to work on, but that is good.

I know that this is where I needed to be. And rather than be in Miller Dwan, here I have been open, honest, and speaking up in classes. I didn't just say what they wanted to hear to get out.

My release date sounds like it is Tuesday. Today I feel like I can handle that. I know that I have wonderful supportive network of people around me. For that I am so very thankful. I don't know what I would do without them, especially Jason.

This was really hard to admit that I needed to be in a psych ward, but I knew it was where I needed to be. This was a really good decision for me.

After getting out of the psych ward, I already have a therapist appointment set up, and I'm going to be attending an Intensive Outpatient Program for Cognitative Behavior Therapy.

It's almost bedtime here, but I'm glad I got to post it. :) I just wanted to let everyone know kind of what was going on.

Baby

Many of you know of the struggle that Jason and I have gone through trying to get pregnant. We have tried for years and haven't been able to succeed. A couple of years ago we sold all of the baby stuff that we had bought on clearance, at garage sales, etc. since we needed the money. I had thought that I had put it in God's hands, and handed the issue over to him. And that I was fine with that, and that if it was His will, then I would get pregnant. I have even told people that...and that if it happens, it happens. Sure it was still hard to hear news that people were pregnant, but I was genuinely happy for them, and still am. But this brings me to today...

Today while running errands, I had in one of my Glee CD's and since I don't know what songs are on what yet, I just let the CD run. Then on came this song.

I had heard this song before, on Glee in even, and it didn't effect me. But today this song did. I immediately started to cry as the song played. Stopped a red light. Literally sobbing. I was a mess. I had one of those deep down gut feelings that I would never get to experience being pregnant. Having a baby. Being a mom. That no one would ever say those words to me.

Now I'm sure that someone is going to say something to the effect of "You don't know that." or perhaps, "You could get pregnant." And you are right, I don't know for sure. But it was one of those deep down feelings that I would never get to experience this wondrous event.

Lists!

Everyone that has been reading my blog for a while knows how much I love lists. Love, love, love them! I carry around a notebook and a pen around just in case I need to make a list. They relax me, help me get cluttered stuff out of my mind and then I lose the list. Whoops. When that happens, I start a new one. One of the first things I did when I get my brand spanking new itouch was to look up list apps!!! That is so me, and such a geeky thing to do. Sadly it's the truth.

I found a free one called "Lists" and it's from MobilityWare. There are adds at the bottom of the screen, but they don't bother me. Hell, I don't mind ignoring the ads for a free app! Since downloading the app, I am absolutely giddy. I won't ever lose my lists again!!!!! I have only had my itouch since Saturday night, which is a whole 6 days! Since then I have been in list heaven.

The lists that I have created in this handy little app are Home To Do, Work To Do, RSC To Do, Pictures to Print, Pictures to Edit, 100 Favorite Things, Blog Entry Ideas, Wish List, Layout Ideas, Movies to Buy, Stuff to Make. That's eleven lists already. ELEVEN! I swear that my itouch is going to keep me so much more organized. I just love that thing.

Now brings me to a question for you, my readers. Do you like lists? Do you make lists? Do you make crazy long lists? and the big question....How many lists is too many?!?!

A Job I Love

I started working at around 16 (or was it 15...I don't remember!) and since then I've had my fair of jobs. Here are the ones that I recall off the top of my head:

• Cashier at Chris's Fairway (Local Grocery Store)
• Activity Aid at the Nursing Home
• Registered Nursing Assistant at the Nursing Home
• Counselor at Community Involvement Programs (Basically I assisted developmentally challenged people with daily tasks)
• Softlines Employee and Cashier at Wal-Mart
• Deli Associate at Wal-Mart
• Administrative Assistant in MES
• Teaching Assistant in MES

Out of all these jobs there were some that I liked, some that were okay, and some that I truly hated, but I needed the money. Out of all of these jobs I have never had one that I truly LOVED. That I looked forward to going to every single day, one that brought me joy and happiness. One that I didn't mind staying late at. I've heard people talk about loving their jobs and always wondered what it was like; and if I would ever get to experience that. I honestly didn't think I would.

Then last week I started working at Rochester Scrapbooking Company. This is the first job that I have ever had that I truly LOVED. The time goes by so fast, you keep busy and it's just so much fun! I get to do a little bit of everything there it seems. It has different aspects of what I liked about different jobs. I get to help customers, I get to check in and put product away, I get to get to create classes/layouts for the store. I get to talk crafting and scrapbooking with people who get it! I mean, it's awesome!!! How much fun is that!

Yesterday was the first day I worked alone, and while I did have to call Nancy a few times with questions, it was so much fun! I felt like I was busy, busy, busy! We had 7 croppers there for most of the day. A fairly constant stream of customers, and although they didn't always buy something I answered many questions and spent a lot of time with them. I started prepping a layout I designed for class. It was just so much fun! The day flew by so fast!

On the way home from work, I must have told Jason that I loved my job at least 10 times. I'm sure he's sick of hearing it, but this is truly a new and welcome experience for me. I am so blessed to finally have a job I love.

Day 2 of C25K (Or Awful Pictures of Me)

Tonight I did Day 2 of Week 1 on C25K. Ok, I actually did it 1 1/2 times. This afternoon I did half of it, but then couldn't finish because of my awful headache. I was determined to it though, and tonight after the Tweetup, I did. Yay!

Things I learned tonight

• I need to get either an ipod shuffle or an armband for my current ipod
• I need to buy a sports bra
• Music helps get through the workout

Now all of these should have been pretty obvious, especially since I LOVE music. I found a place that offers mixes of music done to the format of the C25K, which tells you when to run, walk etc. That helped immensely!!! LOVED it. Here's the link if you are interested. Just scroll down. Oh and so far I have used only week 1, but loved the mix of music on it! A bit of rap, pop, country, everything. Perfection!

(This is where the guys run away now.)So I've been doing my workouts in my regular bras and yea, they aren't cutting it. Need to make a stop and buy a decent sports bra. The ones that I had from before don't support me enough. So need to go shopping.

What I wear to workout doesn't have any pockets at all. Yea, I know, who makes pants without pockets?!?! Anyway, I don't have an armband for my ipod and either need to get one of those, or perhaps reward myself with a small shuffle. For lack of better place to put it, I put my ipod between my breasts.

For some reason this cracked me up, and I had to take pictures.

Warning: Pictures of a fat girl working out ahead!

Last warning...proceed if you wish!

All of the cords and the ipod just made me laugh. I know, I know, I shouldn't post pictures like this on my blog, but hey, it's my blog and I can do what I want. :P

So all said and done tonight, I went 1.54 miles and burned 212 calories. I have no idea how long I walked/ran and calories burned earlier because I forgot to not them. I did burn more calories and ran longer tonight than yesterday. That's an improvement. I did mess with the incline and speed more tonight too. Still trying to figure out what works best for me. I know that I'm always going to use the incline though.

Been a while

It's been a while since I've last updated. I've been writing posts in my head and ideas on paper, but haven't sat down to blog them yet.

My friend Amber (or Mrs. A) has been posting updates on running on Twitter and has been talking about running a bit. She has inspired me to start the Couch to 5K program (C25K). Now I honestly have no intention of running a 5K, but I know I need to do *something* exercise wise and thought why not.

Last night, I started. I managed to get through it ok, though I think my "jogging" pace was slow. I did it on the treadmill and think I will enjoy doing it more outside. I have to decide whether or not to do that or not...hmmmm. Anyway, I had a hard time, but did struggle. After I did the 5 minute ending walk and could have done that longer, but decided not to. Oh and being that I was on the treadmill I did adjust the incline and such as well. So it wasn't just flat. I ended up going 1.4 miles and burning 180 calories. I thought I would have gone more than that, but oh well. At least it's more than I'm typically doing.

This morning I woke up really sore. Though @MrsSpudnik on Twitter said it best, "I like being sore...means I am getting stronger. Way to go!" I like her philosophy. The soreness makes me feel like I actually did something rather than before when I was using the treadmill and just did one of the programs on it. I wasn't sore at all after that. I'm looking forward to this journey and hope that I can stick with it. I think I can see myself enjoying running/jogging.

I have also found an AWESOME blog by PastaQueen. One again, the fabulous Mrs. A told me about her and she is so inspiring! Basically she went from weighing 372 to 180 pounds WITHOUT surgery! I'm currently reading through her archives from the beginning and feeling so inspired! Love that blog!

Since this blog is about fitness, and I'm looking for music to put on a play list, can you tell me your favorite song to work out to? Or if you don't work out, a favorite song that is upbeat.

My tattoo

I have been wanting a tattoo for a long time. In fact it was on my list of things to do before I die. I just couldn't decide what or where.   On Monday I woke up and decided that I wanted to get one this week.   Of course Jason made it happen for me.   He has been wanting me to get one for quite a while.   I knew I wanted a bird of some sort and I wanted it on my ankle.  Jason suggested a sparrow since I love them, and of course it was perfect!  I went with it.   Brought a few pictures with me to Rochester Tattoo and asked if Angie was available since I liked her work I seen on myspace and she was.  Perfect!   She sketched out what I wanted and off we went.

Here is the stencil:


Angie working on the outline. The outline hurt the most and it wasn't intolerable at all. I thought the pain would be much worse than it was. There were a couple really sensitive spots, but nothing bad and that made me want to cry.



Me watching Angie tattoo me.



The outline is done!


The shading being worked on.


Check out some of the color. Love the colors!


My artist Angie hard at work on me. She was so cute and pregnant.


Check out all the colors and the ink!


And the finished product!!


Click here to see it larger. :)

It only took about an hour once she got started. Since it was an hour, the tat was $100. I don't think that is bad at all! I just love my little sparrow tat. I feel like I should name him.

One thing to check off my bucket list now.

The Stolen One. ;)

Stolen from Jessi and Amber.

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items.
You can only pick one thing from the following departments… what is it?
1. Produce : Pineapple
2. Bakery : Sourdough Bread
3. Meat: Chicken
4. Dairy : Cheese
5. Dry goods : Penne Pasta

Let’s say we’re heading out for a weekend getaway. You’re only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what’s in your bag?
1. Comfy pants
2. Tank Top
3. Sweater/Hoodie

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to heard?
1. Ummm...
2. Yea.
3. Mmmmhmmmm
4. I LOVE this!

So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn’t get to do, you probably wouldn’t be in the best mood?
1. Spending time with Jason and Cullen
2. Reading
3. Twittering
4. Surfing the 'net.

You’re driving down the road, and suddenly you’re hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
1. Someone going really slow in front of me and I'm not able to pass them.
2. Being cut off
3. Someone following me right on my ass.

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We’re talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. Reading
2. Napping
3. Baking
4. Surfing the 'net
5. Shopping

We’re going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it’ll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. Monkeys 
2. Polar Bears
3. Giraffes

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. The Office
2. The Alaska Experiment
3.  The Office
4. The Alaska Experiment 

(I know, I know, I'm lame, but I really don't watch much TV and can't think of others.)

You’re hungry for ice cream. I’ll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Oatmeal Cookie Batter
2. Cake batter
3. Cheesecake

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what’s in there?
1. Canon Camera
2. Black Clutch/wallet
3. Cell Phone
4. Cute little pouch with forest creatures on it
5. Book

You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let’s pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would best describe what you want to be?
1. Photographer
2. Stay at home wife/mom
3. Scrapbooker
4. Graphic Designer

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high/middle school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. Keep having fun and don't forget to live a little!
2. Be happy with how you look and try to maintain that body.
3. Put your happiness first before everyone else's.  
4. Don't let certain friends drift away.  

Today

I did something today that I rarely do. I went to the Mall, hit up Hot Topic quick looking for the comics my sister wants and then meandered into Barnes and Noble. There is just something I like about spending time in a bookstore, pursing and reading the synopsis of books. I just love the smell of books. Books make me so happy. I spent about an hour and a half just looking at books and jotting the titles down. It made me a little sad to walk out with no book, but I enjoyed myself. Going to a bookstore by myself isn't something I typically do. I enjoyed it.

{101 Things}

I seen a post on message board I'm a member of challenging you to post on your blog 101 Things about you. If you are reading this, I'm tagging you, so you have to do this too!

1. Jason and I have been married for 5 years already. Wow, it doesn't feel that long at all!
2. I turned 25 this year, and I feel old, much older than that.
3. I love to cook and eat way to much.
4. I carry a book with me just about everywhere I go. I started this when I was young and still do it. If I forget it, it seems like I always have a few minutes to kill and I wish I had brought my book!
5. The older I'm getting, the less klutzy I am.
6. The older I'm getting, the more I screw up my words and say off the wall things.
7. I LOVE taking pictures.
8. When I grow up I want to be a photographer.
9. I've been debating about going back to school, but part of me is scared that I will fail.
10. I used to collect Winnie the Pooh stuff.
11. I am working on getting into the less the more, and decluttering more and more.
12. I love getting letters or little surprises in the mail.
13. I am actually parting with books, unless I know I will read them again. Thank you PaperBackSwap!
14. I always try to be early whenever I have to be somewhere at a certain time, but I'm getting more and more lienent about that. Instead of going for 15 minutes early, I aim for 5 minutes early.
15. I am still in love with scrapbooking and seem to be doing it more and more lately.
16. I am enjoying my blog this year more than others. Can you tell by the number of entries?
17. I have watched very little of the Olympics this year, but whenever I turn it on, it seems to be beach volleyball. How funny is that?
18. I am addicted to Twitter.
19. I love how goofy and funny my husband is. I am the luckiest woman in the world to have him.
20. If I don't respond to emails right away, I'm awful at responding to them.
21. I am getting into making more and more cards. I am loving it.
22. I love to wrap presents, especially Christmas presents.
23. My favorite is pink.
24. I prefer a bouquet of wildflowers to a bouquet or roses.
25. I'm such a country girl at heart.
26. I dream of living out in the country again.
27. I couldn't live without music. Especially country.
28. I hate shoes and socks. If I could go barefoot wherever I go, I would be thrilled!
29. I hate it when people ask when my husband and I are going to have kids or why don't we have kids yet. We have fertility issues, and I don't want everyone to know.
30. I'm a fairly private person until you get to know me.
31. I'm shy.
32. Currently I'm following 130 blogs in bloglines. Think I'm addicted? ;)
33. I dream of traveling to Paris someday.
34. I love shopping at Target.
35. I used to be a morning person, always getting up early, now that my schedule varies, I find myself sleeping in more and more and staying up later at night.
36. My favorite beverage is iced tea.
37. I am in love with full length aprons. I covet them.
38. We are thinking of decorating our kitchen based around my red Kitchen Aid mixer. In a vintage cherries theme.
39. I am so blessed.
40. I love my Kitchen Aid mixer and use it a TON. My baking has dramatically increased since getting it.
41. I'm a huge coupon user. Love my coupons and getting items for free.
42. I am awful at remembering dates and important information, but I can remember grocery store prices.
43. When I wear socks, they are bright and fun.
44. Even though I'm 25, I love skulls, and the emo/goth look.
45. For the first time this year I grew stuff in a garden all on my own. Even more shockingly I enjoyed it!
46. I dream of living back in a simpler time. Without technology. I think like the Laura Ingalls Wilder years.
47. I'm not your typical 25-year old person.
48. Very, very, very rarely do I drink or party.
49. I have a hard time accepting compliments on my scrapbooking. I truly don't think I'm more creative than the next person.
50. I'm not a gold jewelry fan. I love anything silver.
51. I have 2 younger sisters that I love dearly and wished I lived closer to them and my parents.
52. I dream of having my own library. The walls lined with shelves filled with books, and a window seat to sit and read my books on.
53. I have always dreamed of being an artist or playing piano. I am not able to draw more than a stick person. I am so not musically inclined at all.
54. Despite my lack of ability to sing, I love to sing along to the radio.
55. When I'm scrapbooking or cleaning I LOVE to have my music cranked. Good thing my neighbors are older, lol.
56. I want to get better at cooking and sewing.
57. I want to learn how to knit or crochet.
58. My favorite flower is daisies. I <3>
59. I'm a huge list maker. They make me feel centered, organized, and like I have a plan. Love crossing things off my list.
60. I LOVE board games.
61. Monopoly is my favorite, I think we have over 12 different versions of Monopoly.
62. I love fall and spring. Winter is beautiful too, I love the whiteness of the snow, but hate the cold.
63. I only like my curly hair when it's wet.
64. I am still struggling with my weight.
65. I love to snuggle in bed with Jason. Nothing relaxes me more.
66. I hate going to the doctor and dentist. But sometimes it's necessary so I go.
67. I have a bit of anxiety of going places I'm not familiar with.
68. I've found that I actually enjoy stepping out of my comfort zone.
69. I am looking forward to planning next years garden.
70. When I come home from work, the first thing I do is change into comfy clothes.
71. I am loving my part-time hours. I still dream of being a stay at home wife, but I can't tell you how much happier I am being part-time.
72. Somedays I'm just in the mood to go and wander around a book store and look around. I love the smell of new books.
73. I enjoy taking naps. I think everyday should include a nap.
74. When I take naps I feel like I waste part of the day.
75. I hate drama.
76. I don't have many close girlfriends.
77. I love the sound of rain pattering on the windows while sitting on the couch reading a book.
78. I'm addicted to Flickr.
79. I'm a collecter of cookbooks and recipes I want to try. Very rarely do I try new ones.
80. I prefer Coldstone ice cream over Dairy Queen.
81. I can tell when I'm about to get my period because I crave chocolate like there is no tomorrow.
82. Even when I'm off, I still check my work e-mail.
83. I'm a wannabe cake decorator.
84. I love this time of year with all of the school and office supplies. I'm such a dork.
85. My homepage is igoogle.com personalized, of course.
86. I love having my toe mails painted.
87. I've never had a pedicure.
88. I'm way too tickelish.
89. My hair is often tossed up when I'm home.
90. I'm not fond of how I look.
91. Somedays I love our small house, other days I wish we had a bigger one.
92. I love cookie dough, dough, and cake mix, all before it's baked of course.
93. I enjoy sharing my knowledge, but I'm often afraid that people will take it the wrong way. I'm really not a know it all and still have so much to learn.
94. I'm not too fond of wearing make-up, but when I do it's mineral make-up, which looks awesome!
95. I go through waves of playing video games. I haven't played now for about a month.
96. I check my email way too many times during the day.
97. I hate doing the dishes, especially the silverware.
98. I don't mind doing laundry, but hate putting it away and mating socks.
99. The two movies that I have been watching lately are "Music and Lyrics" and "Juno."
100. I can't wait for Wall-E to come out on DVD! We seen that in the theatre twice.
101. I am so lucky that my husband encourages me and my hobbies.

This went pretty well for me until I hit around 80ish. I can't wait to see who else does this! Link me to your post or let me know that you updated your blog. I can't wati to read yours.