Isn't it amazing how things fall into place?

Late last week I got a call from someone in the Bishop's office at Church saying that the Bishop wanted to meet with me, and we get up a time to meet the evening of October 9 to meet. I had a feeling that I would get a calling at church. Callings are basically responsibilities or "jobs" that you do at Church. All of the LDS church positions are unpaid and are on a volunteer basis. No money is paid, not even to the Bishop. Anyway, so the members are extended callings. I haven't felt like I was ready for a calling. I haven't even finished the Book of Mormon or even reading the Bible yet. I didn't feel prepared at all. I was very apprehensive about going to this meeting. I thought a lot about it, and really felt pressure that maybe this wasn't for me. Before going to the church on Tuesday night, I made up my mind and decided that I would turn the calling down, since I was sure that was what the meeting was about.

(By, the way, you are getting the Nelson version of the story, and we are going on a little detour here.)

The last couple of weeks, I have really been struggling, and doing my best to hide it. I hate it when I struggle. I know I'm not perfect, no one is, and we all struggle. This last couple of weeks with all that is going on, I just felt so lost, and didn't really know where to turn. It had also been two weeks since I was in the church. We were up north for a wedding the weekend and then General Conference was the following weekend, which I was able to watch at home, since we get BYU tv. I was really struggling with some of my thoughts, and thinkings, also the dreams I was having were not helping at all. I mentioned to Jason, what do you think about me cutting down on going to church, and he said that that is completely my doing and he will support me no matter what. I kept having little doubts put into my head. "You aren't good enough to be LDS, and never will be." and many different things like that. I felt like I was not worthy of even attending church or even attempting to be better since I would fail.

(Now we are back on the road now. Detour is over.)

Tuesday evening, I arrive at the church and I'm surprised at how many vehicles are around. I was thinking that it would be quiet. So not quiet. :)

I go in, sit down my the Bishop's office and wait. Me, being me, I show up about 7:05 for my 7:15 meeting, and knew I would end up waiting.

I hear the kids running around in the gym, and sit and wait. A couple minutes later, the missionaries walk by, see me, stop and see me. They are genuinely happy to see me, and want to know about Halo3, and just see how I'm doing. The Bishop comes up, asks if I mind waiting a few minutes since he would like to meet with one of the kids, and I say no problem. I see my Home Teacher, and he comments that we need to get together again, but this week will not work for him, but he will give me a call to set something up. I see another Brother, who says that him and his wife want to have Jason and I over again sometime soon. After a bit, I get to go in to see the Bishop. I'm feeling nervous.

He asks if I have any questions, and I basically ask, I'm not sure why the meeting was set up, and he looks puzzled, and says well for a temple recommend and to discuss a calling.
He starts talking about callings, teachings, etc, and then he extends me a calling. "Literacy Specialist." Basically the gist of it is helping Sister's with a scripture study plan, and helping our Spanish speaking sisters with English as a Second Language resources in our community. (I'm not required to speak Spanish.) Other duties could be helping people fill out job applications, etc. It's not a well defined role though, which makes me kind of nervous. But I feel moved to accept the calling. And I accept it.

Then we go through the questions for the temple recommend, and I get a temple recommend. I can now attend the temple for baptisms.

Before leaving, the Bishop said that he feels moved to share with me (this is *very* summarized, he talked for a bit, and I was moved almost to tears, doing my best not to cry.) and tells me that Satan is real, and that things can feel very overwhelming for new members, but he encouraged me to continue to attend my meetings, continue to study, and be aware that Satan is real. That he knows that this is the right place for me and everything. I was just wow. I felt such a sense of peace. While the Bishop was saying the opening prayer before we started talking, I felt the holy spirit.

Wow. That really hit home. I realized that all the time that I've been struggling, Satan was the one overpowering my thoughts. I just didn't know it. I needed a smack upside the head I guess, to wake me up. I need to pray more, and continue doing my scripture study and attending church on Sunday's.

I'm a bit nervous about my calling, but I know that the Bishop would not feel moved to moved to put me into something that I can't handle. He said that they have prayed about this and felt that this was right for me. I trust him.