Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at work with the computer applications not working since August 31, creating a manual for all of the tasks that I do, all the reports that I update, etc. Work has been overwhelming me, and so have other things.
I have always been a quiet, shy person, one to hang back and perfectly content to stay home. I'm still like that. Although, someone told me not long ago, (I think I blogged about this) that she sees me as a confident, outgoing person. Maybe I portray that well, but I don't feel like it. When the missionaries first started to come over, I remember wanting to cancel on them. See, Jason and I don't have many people over at the house. Our house is so small, and dated, although we are working on updating it, that I just don't want people over. It's not really conducive to having people over at all. I don't mind having close friends over, that's fine, no big deal. But inviting people I don't know to my house, is something I'm not that comfortable with.
Last week I was supposed to meet with my Home Teacher on Thursday and the missionaries again on Friday. My Home Teacher rescheduled because there was a conflict, it was Enrichment night at the church, and I really should be going to that.
It was huge for me to go to church for the first time knowing only the missionaries and two of the people that came over. Everyone was so nice, but it was hard for me.
Since my Home Teacher cancelled, I called and cancelled the missionaries too. I have just felt so overwhelmed with everything. I didn't even go to church today. I'm not used to having people over all of the time. Much less a couple times a week. I'm not a home entertainer I guess, lol. Maybe that was a bad way of putting it. I just needed a break. To help put things into perspective. I have been feeling like church has been like a part time job all by its self. I know that is not a fair analogy. But all of the activities and everything, it could be. I guess all I want to do is be able to go to church on Sunday and not worry about anything else. Not worry about having my home teacher, the missionaries, the visiting home teachers from relief society come over, not having to feel bad about all of the activities/events/outings that I'm invited to go to and not. I don't even have a calling and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't know what I will do if I ever get a calling.
I think I'm being selfish. I want my evenings and weekends to spend with my husband. I'm fine going to church on Sunday without him. Is it selfish to want to spend the time that we don't work together? I need to find a balance. I wish I could just say no to everything and happily attend church on Sunday's. But I really don't think it's going to be that simple.
2 comments:
Amber I have a dear friend who is a LDS and she gets overwhelmed too. Can't you just enjoy Sunday at church? Is there some law saying you HAVE to do the extras?
I know how it is to go to church without your S/O. I am here if you ever need to chat.
You are a very strong woman and you can be confident as well (I"m sure you got most of that from ma rapp) I saw your house for the first time last week and I fell in love with it. YOu should be proud of yourself for using the space you have and it looks great!!! I do understand about having a small dated house. I have one too. The differnce is that my house was set up all funny and wastes a bunch of space that could be used if it had been set up differently. YOu dont' have that problem and if you think you do, you did a great job of it. I loveh how organized everything is!
All the people from your church seem so open and welcoming. I liked that. You have been putting in alot of time and effort into church, I'm sure if you are feeling overwhelmed, they wouldnt' mind if you relaxed a bit. I'm sure they would undertand.
I do not think you are being selfish at all. I totally understand wanting to spend some "spare" time with your husband/ family. ITs tuff. Balance... you are right on that one. Balance is HUGE! It is also very difficult. It takes time but when you find your balance, you will be less stressed. Maybe in advance you could decide that you are going to attend 1 event every week or two and after you attend that one event, you give yourself permission to say no. Or, like I read in a parenting magazine, you make a rule for yourself (and your husband can help you follow) That after you attend one event for the time period, you may not attend another until the next time period begins. This works other ways as well. Another rule could be that you spend a set number of hours/ days per week with your husband and when you have fulfilled your husband time and event time, you can decide what to do with the rest of your non-work time... It might work...Gotta love the parenting magazines. I made a rule that I must go to bed by 10 pm at the latest and if the baby is still up my husband gets to get him to bed. This gets me to bed ontime so I can get some sleep before my insanely early morning and encourages Andrew to make things easier for me so that I can get matthew to bed earlier. Its kinda nice. ..
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